Today, I Chose to Stay Home

Today, I chose to stay home and not go to church.

I woke up this morning in a bit of a mood and every fibre of my being wanted to stay home. But at the same time I heard this voice in my head saying - “you have to go, you can’t break this habit, you won’t want to go back”. That’s when I knew, that if I went today I wouldn’t be going for the right reasons.

Growing up Catholic, missing a week of Mass was a sin, and you had to go to confession before you could receive communion again. And a lot of those weeks, I would show up because it felt like an obligation, but I wouldn’t be present. And that kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

This time I want to go because I want to be there. I don’t want to go because I feel like I have to, or because I feel like people might judge me if I didn’t go without a good reason. I wanted to be there because I wanted to be there, and I knew if I continued making the same choices as I did in the past, that I would grow to resent it and I don’t want to.

So today, I decided to stay home and take care of myself because I want to make this a sustainable addition to my life. Today I chose to take care of myself so I can better serve Him.