When did you first discover Jesus?
Procedures for the Burnt Offering (Leviticus 1:1-17)
1 The Lord called to Moses from the Tabernacle and said to him, 2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. When you present an animal as an offering to the Lord, you may take it from your herd of cattle or your flock of sheep and goats.
3 “If the animal you present as a burnt offering is from the herd, it must be a male with no defects. Bring it to the entrance of the Tabernacle so you may be accepted by the Lord. 4 Lay your hand on the animal’s head, and the Lord will accept its death in your place to purify you, making you right with him. 5 Then slaughter the young bull in the Lord’s presence, and Aaron’s sons, the priests, will present the animal’s blood by splattering it against all sides of the altar that stands at the entrance to the Tabernacle. 6 Then skin the animal and cut it into pieces. 7 The sons of Aaron the priest will build a wood fire on the altar. 8 They will arrange the pieces of the offering, including the head and fat, on the wood burning on the altar. 9 But the internal organs and the legs must first be washed with water. Then the priest will burn the entire sacrifice on the altar as a burnt offering. It is a special gift, a pleasing aroma to the Lord.
10 “If the animal you present as a burnt offering is from the flock, it may be either a sheep or a goat, but it must be a male with no defects. 11 Slaughter the animal on the north side of the altar in the Lord’s presence, and Aaron’s sons, the priests, will splatter its blood against all sides of the altar. 12 Then cut the animal in pieces, and the priests will arrange the pieces of the offering, including the head and fat, on the wood burning on the altar. 13 But the internal organs and the legs must first be washed with water. Then the priest will burn the entire sacrifice on the altar as a burnt offering. It is a special gift, a pleasing aroma to the Lord.
14 “If you present a bird as a burnt offering to the Lord, choose either a turtledove or a young pigeon. 15 The priest will take the bird to the altar, wring off its head, and burn it on the altar. But first he must drain its blood against the side of the altar. 16 The priest must also remove the crop and the feathers[d] and throw them in the ashes on the east side of the altar. 17 Then, grasping the bird by its wings, the priest will tear the bird open, but without tearing it apart. Then he will burn it as a burnt offering on the wood burning on the altar. It is a special gift, a pleasing aroma to the Lord.
I've been struggling a little to get back into the rhythm of church in the past 2 months since coming back from vacation. Somehow something just didn't sit right, and I felt like I was trying to make it work but the puzzle pieces didn't fit. I didn't know if it was because I had so much going on in life, but I no longer found myself looking forward to Sunday and I couldn't find the comfort and clarity I had previously felt. Turns out, He knew and He had a plan and the bonding from yesterday's boat party as well as today's service was just what I needed.
Today’s service was special and was a little deviation from the normal routine of Sunday service. It involved a lot more singing and music and moments to think and reflect, and the two words I would choose to describe it would be “peaceful” and “healing”. Life is chaotic in its own way and sitting there listening to the gentle piano chords, soft guitar strumming and the vocals sung with gentle conviction, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. Layering on top of the music, the speaker opened a space for us to reflect and to pray, and some of the thoughts I had pushed down (some intentionally, some subconsciously) started to rise to the surface. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I gently held and addressed these thoughts with love and compassion.
How did your journey start?
We were told to think back on our journey with religion - when did we first discover Jesus, when did we first discover the church, what made us believe?
And it got me thinking about when it was for me. Did I start to believe when I wrote letters to God in kindergarten? I got baptized as a baby so that can’t be the starting point, so did I start to believe when I got my First Communion? Were those things done out of obligation or fear of repercussions or were they genuinely because I felt that they would bring me closer to Him?
Sitting here today, I think it’s neither of those things. I feel like I first discovered Jesus and the church here, in this place, within this community. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older now and more able dissect my own thoughts and experiences, but here is the place that I felt His presence - in the way people are, in the way people behave, in the way people care, in the way people give. Here, I am discovering what it feels for Him to be among us and with us, instead of a distant figure represented as a statue inside a cathedral or somewhere high up in the skies.
I still haven’t completely figured out how I feel about Christianity. I still feel a lot of resistance within me, and I feel like my mind wants to put up a bunch of walls because I haven’t exactly had the most pleasant experience up until this time around. I still have a lot of things to explore and process, a lot of old history to break down and heal from. It’s kind of like having to work through all the things that happened in an old relationship before you can be ready for a new one. And to continue that analogy I guess here I am, not completely giving up on dating altogether just because it didn’t work out in the past.
Revisiting religion this time around kind of feels like trying to reconnect with a close friend that I had a falling out with. And it wasn't until now that I realized how much resentment I was holding inside me all these years, and trying to rebuild a relationship requires letting go of all that. It requires forgiveness to let go of the past and look into the future. But at the same time if He is out there and everything we have is thanks to Him, how dare I have the audacity to hold a grudge or to doubt the path He has chosen for me? Why do I choose to remember the few hardships and to hold it against Him while casually forgetting all the things He has given me and blessed me with? I remember time for our own prayers during mass used to be a precious commodity, and in those fifteen seconds or so I would always start with asking for the most important thing to me - "health and happiness for me and my family", before moving on to whatever the next pressing issue was in the world or in my life. And to that end - He has delivered, on all the important things. Could it be that all long it was an issue with my own perspective, and all I needed was to look at the bigger picture? Was I the ungrateful child who decided to run away from a home where I've been given love, shelter, support and everything I need, just because my Father wouldn't buy me the new toy that I wanted? Am I now the child who is too ashamed to go back home to apologize and to ask for forgiveness, and could this be another reason why I feel resistance towards accepting Christianity?
Somehow in the moment this clicked in my mind, I felt all the pieces of the puzzle starting to fit together. I felt a sense of peace wash over me, like for a brief moment He was there telling me that all is forgiven. It's a special feeling - feeling that He is present, that He sees you and He loves you. It's one that felt surprisingly familiar and I had to dig around in my mind to find this memory, but I remember also feeling something like this when I received my First Holy Communion all those years ago. And in that moment the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 came to mind (shocker given how long it's been since I've read that), and it almost felt like in that moment He was trying to tell me that through it all He loves and me, and that if I choose to go home, He would welcome me back with open arms even though I am not worthy.
20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’
22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
Luke 15:20-24
Are your routines done with intention or out of habit?
Some of these ideas were inspired by this article by Alex Rowe.
As someone who has been to a fair share of masses and services, the fact that had to look up what “Amen” means is exactly the point I am trying to illustrate. It got me thinking about the things we do in life so often that it becomes a habit, so much so that we don’t even have to think about it. For example when you’ve driven the route from work to home and home to work so often, there might be some days where you realize you got there without even having to think about it. Or when I walk into a cathedral and instinctively make the sign of the cross, even if it’s for a secular choir concert or as part of a tour on vacation. Or when we hear “In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” or just about any prayer and I instinctively say “Amen’, almost treating it like a full-stop, like a kind of liturgical punctuation.
So after some Googling, today I learned that Amen is derived from the Hebrew āmēn, translated into Greek and Latin and then English. It’s difficult to capture in its entirety in one word but fundamentally it’s something along the lines of “certainty” or “truth”. Essentially it’s used to mark agreement with what has been said.
When we pray for other people and for world peace, and we say Amen as an agreement towards asking Him for things. But our relationship should be a partnership instead of Him just granting our wishes right, so when we say Amen we should also be committing to doing our part to bring about this change we want to see in the world. But are we really upholding our end of the bargain? When we pray for the homeless people in our city during times of heavy rain and storms, we are asking Him to take care of them, but are we doing our part within our means? When we pray for him to heal our friend who is sick, we are entrusting him to grant them a speedy recovery, but are we doing our part to support their healing process? Are we using prayer as a way of feeling like we are doing something or are we using it in the way I’d imagine He would intend for it to be - as an extension of a partnership, a team effort to bring about the change we want to see happen. Maybe each prayer should also be paired with a corresponding action on our part - if we ask for good health, we should also be taking good care of our bodies; if we ask for blessings for a safe trip, we should also be doing our part to be responsible and to look out for ourselves. Could it be that every prayer is meant to be paired with a call to action within ourselves, like yin and yang, instead of a one-way message sent up towards the Heavens?
My encouragement to you would be to try and notice the things you do mindlessly out of habit, and to take the time to evaluate your intentions and the meaning behind them. The next time you pray, maybe you can also think about what you can do as His teammate and partner in order to enact the change you want to see.
Everyone has different things to offer
Leviticus 1 talks about the different ways of offering livestock as sacrifices in ancient Israel. The rich could offer cows, while others could offer sheep, and the poor could offer birds. Everyone has different things to offer, and I think the value of the offering is relative. It’s not about looking at the amount of money Bill Gates (the Gates Foundation spent 8.6 billion USD in 2024) gives and giving up because there’s no way my small donation could even make a dent. It’s about giving within your means in your actions and within your means. Alone you are just one person, but collectively we can be so much more.
Gifting - is it for the gifter or the receiver?
Thomas Harlander has an article on the complicated sadness of getting a gift you secretly hate:
Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a reminder that you will never be truly known.
Have you ever received a gift you disliked or would never use, put on a smile and uttered “thank you” and got home and didn’t know what to do with the gift? Or have you mentioned you wanted a new phone and your partner surprises you with the latest iPhone expecting you to be head over heels with excitement, while you had already done all the research and knew exactly which Android phone you were going to buy?
Gifting appears to be a generous act, and you would think that it would be a given that the gift should be for the receiver instead of the giver. But so often we give gifts for the sake of gifting - on birthdays, at Christmas, on Mother’s/Father’s days, etc. We give gifts even if the other person has explicitly stated that they would not like a gift - because we project our wants on them (we like gifts so they must too), or because we think they’re just saying it to be nice (we’re not going to get into the topic of people saying one thing and meaning another). We buy people expensive things because society deems them to be valuable, even if the receiver has no interest in luxury brands.
I propose that we make gifting more about the receiver. I think we should put more effort into deeper friendships and relationships, to know our friends well enough to give meaningful gifts or to ask them for what they want. If you know them well and they really don’t care for the gift - don’t give them a gift because it makes you feel better about yourself. On the other hand if you know they care a lot about gifts while you don’t, give them a gift anyway. I think we should stop projecting our wants onto other people and really think about what they would like and enjoy; to not get lost in marketing strategies and commercial holidays and instead really understand your own intentions behind the act of gifting and the gift itself.
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